I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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