we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
