Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
