There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
