The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
