so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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