I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
