I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
