Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
