Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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