He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
