I'm so fucking centered right now
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
