i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
