If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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