We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
