there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
