forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
