I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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