Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
