4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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