I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
