What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
