Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
