I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
