btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
