I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
