You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I think my moral compass just broke
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
