I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
