If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He passed out mid-signature
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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