Sry I called you an 8
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
