He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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