her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
