I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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