So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
