Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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