if you like me you must not know who I am
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
