I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
