So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
