I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
