The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
