We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
