some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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