just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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