That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
