Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
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