This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
