so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Randomize
