I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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