Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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