Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
