alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
