I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
