Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
