She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
