What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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