I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
