if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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