I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
