bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
